Critics and Horror Movies

I read a lot of reviews of movies on the Internet. Why I don't know. Most of the time they don't enlighten or inform me, they just serve to remind me what pompous asses critics are. The only site that writes the types of reviews I can relate to and appreciate is Ain't It Cool News. I read two yesterday that reminded me why reviews tend to aggravate me so much. One was on DVD Talk for Hostel II and the other was for the original Halloween on The Digital Bits. Now you may be asking yourself, why do these reviews aggravate Johnson so much? Well, it is not because I agree or disagree over liking the movies in question. It is how they phrase their reviews and the seemingly obligatory comments that they must always include.

Most reviewers cannot seem to write a review without referring to horror sequels as "money grabs" and saying how they just "run the original idea in the ground." For all of you critics that seem to think movies are art for art's sake, let me remind you that movies are the commercial arts. EVERY movie is a "money grab." Movies are made to make money for movie studios. I happen to love franchise movies. I enjoy seeing different films in a long-running series. I don't apologize for it either. There seems to be a mentality amongst critics that movies in a horror series are unworthy of any praise or legitimate fondness from the audience. You know the lines, "we know they're junk but they are entertaining." No, Mr. Critic. I'm sorry, they are NOT junk. If a movie has entertained you and made money then it has accomplished it's two primary goals. In my book I call that a success. I think all of the Friday the 13th movies have their pluses and minuses but, in the end, I like them all. I don't have, nor do I need, an intellectual rationale for why I like them. I just enjoy the hell out of those movies.

Why do they always feel the need to distance themselves from certain movies? It's like they are saying "I know it' OK to like the original Halloween but I better put a qualifier on my liking of the other films in the series." I suppose they don't want to be thought less of by their snooty critic friends. I guess it's also not fashionable to give any of the Friday the 13th movies any respect. What a bunch of obnoxious crap.

I am also SO F'N TIRED of critics stringing not-so-catchy, intellectual sounding phrases together sentence after sentence in some ridiculous attempt to make themselves sound smart. They just end up sounding the the Nation of Islam character Damon Wayans would play on In Living Colour. If you don't remember, that character would talk like he was really smart but just sound like a fool. He would say things like " if you look at the situation in terms of the constipation, needing remuneration . . ." The way I wrote "When Johnson Met Harryhausen" was written to be a parody of this style of writing.